1988: Thrash It Up!

A while back I posted a piece here about the live album phenomenon of the late 70’s, specifically the amazing fact that during the 12-months between January 1978 and January 1979, no less than ten notable Hard Rock/Heavy Metal bands released live albums. I declared 1978 the ‘Year of the Gatefold’, as during that time period, it was impossible to walk through a record store without tripping over a double live LP. Well, my friends, I’m about to make another declaration: I hereby declare that within the Thrash Metal genre, 1988 shall henceforth be known as: ‘The Year of the Cover Version.’

 

The phenomenon we’ll explore here didn’t make quite the impact that that live album cluster did, as it occurred within a relatively new sub-genre of rock music: Thrash Metal. By 1987, Thrash Metal was breaking out of the underground and into the Heavy Metal mainstream, pushed forward by the massive success of Metallica and their ‘Master of Puppets’ album, and the anointing of Thrash Metal’s ‘Big Four’, Metallica/Slayer/Anthrax/Megadeth as Thrash’s standard bearers. And as Thrash began to break out into the mainstream of Metal, an interesting phenomenon occurred: Virtually EVERY Thrash band of note released a cover version between January 1988 and January 1989, tallying almost TWENTY covers that year.
First, let’s go back a few years. Metal bands have recorded covers since the very beginning of the genre; the debut albums from both Black Sabbath and Blue Cheer, two records generally credited with birthing Heavy Metal, contained covers. This move is useful for several reasons; perhaps a band was short on songs, or maybe they had an interesting take on someone else’s material. Or… maybe the record company felt they had a chance at getting the band some extra attention (or airplay) with a cover of an established song. No doubt, covers have featured on Hard Rock and Metal records throughout it’s long history.
Now let’s look at Iron Maiden, one of the biggest bands to emerge from the NWOBHM. For Maiden, recording covers was an opportunity to celebrate their heroes, and they began recording covers for the B-sides of their singles during their ‘Piece of Mind’ sessions in 1983. Maiden were paying tribute to their influences, putting a NWOBHM spin on some choice ’70s hard rock and prog songs while also educating their fans on some of the music that inspired the band. They continued this practice for the next 25 years.
Now we’ll skip ahead just a few years to 1984, when several emerging Thrash Metal bands included covers on their debut albums. NY’s Anthrax included a cover of Alice Cooper’s ‘I’m Eighteen’ on their 1984 debut. Metal Church’s ’84 debut included their version of Deep Purple’s ‘Highway Star’. And in 1985, New Jersey’s Overkill included ‘Sonic Reducer’ by the Dead Boys on their debut. At year’s end, Metallica stood as the emerging genre’s leaders, and were very much following the Maiden template toward runaway success. When they released their ‘Creeping Death’ single in November, they backed it with two covers: ‘Blitzkrieg’ by Blitzkrieg and ‘Am I Evil?’ by Diamond Head. As with Iron Maiden, the practice of using covers for B-sides became the norm with Metallica for decades.
After Metallica’s next release, ‘Master of Puppets’ was certified Gold without the aid of radio play or an MTv video, every record company wanted their very own Metallica. A feeding frenzy ensued, with labels the world over snapping up any band wearing bullet belts and denim vests. And so second and third tiers were established within the Thrash genre, with Metallica leading the way, and the rest of the aforementioned ‘Big Four’ following close behind. And where Metallica went, the rest of the movement followed…
Metallica’s ‘The $5.98 E.P.’ firmly established the recording of covers as a standard practice for Thrash bands. The E.P. was comprised of thrashed-up renditions of other bands’ material, and the record once again served as a tribute to the band’s early influences. But because much of the material covered was unknown to a large portion of the band’s fan base, it worked as fresh Metallica material while the band continued to get their shit together after the tragic loss of their friend and bassist Cliff Burton. And, having reached #28 on the Billboard charts, the record was a ‘hit’. Now, for all record labels and bands within the rapidly evolving Thrash universe, there was another reason why recording a cover version was a good idea: Metallica did it.
Which brings us to 1988. Thrash was now a firmly established Heavy Metal sub-genre, and Metallica was arguably the biggest/hottest band in Metal. The bands following in their wake wasted no time in following the example Metallica had set the previous year with ‘5.98’. Thrash’s ‘Year of the Cover’ kicked off in January with Megadeth’s cover of the Sex Pistols’ punk anthem ‘Anarchy in the UK’ in January, which was also the lead-off single released from the band’s third album ‘So Far, So Good… So What!?’ Just as an aside: when the first single is a cover, it may be an indication that the band/label is lacking confidence in the strength of the original material on the album…
Second tier (third?) Thrash band Death Angel recorded a cover of Kiss’ ‘Cold Gin’ for their sophomore effort ‘Frolic Through the Park’, released in March of ’88. It’s a little goofy, but not completely out of place on an album that also includes the ultra-goofy ‘I’m Bored’. As a young thrasher myself, I was of the opinion that this kind of throwaway filler was perfectly fine as a B-side (see: Anthrax, Maiden. Metallica), but as an album track, I felt it was a waste of space. I wanted to hear another original, not junk like this.
May of ’88 brought us two covers: Testament delivered a version of Aerosmith’s ‘Nobody’s Fault’, and Flotsam & Jetsam rolled out Elton John’s ‘Saturday Night’s Alright For Fightin’. Okay, I can believe that Aerosmith was an influence on Testament, and their take on ‘Fault’, a contender for A-smith’s heaviest song, is solid. But it’s more than a bit of a stretch that The Flots were inspired by the music of Sir Elton. But hey, what do I know. A great song is a great song, but Flotsam seem to be playing this one for laughs. Sadly, I see this one as yet another wasted album track.
Nuclear Assault’s second offering, ‘Survive’ was released in June, and ended with a cover of Led Zeppelin’s ‘Good Times, Bad Times’. The Nukes wisely decided to place the song at the end of the album’s running order, so it doesn’t feel like an intrusion, but on an album with a run-time of 30:15, another original song (or two (or three)) would have been more than welcome. The song was released as a single along with some live stuff, and another ‘cover’, their version of the theme from the ‘Happy Days’ TV show, which amounts to a never-ending three minutes of awful. Sadly, both of these covers are throwaway tracks.
I feel compelled to introduce the term ‘sophomore slump’ here; it refers to the phenomenon where a band has years to write the songs for their debut, but only months to put together songs for their second, almost guaranteeing that record #2 would be short on high quality material. That said, four of the last five covers outlined above appear on each band’s sophomore album; not as B-sides, but as album tracks. Just sayin’.
Voivod concealed a short but suitably skewed take on the ‘Batman’ theme at the end of their ‘Dimension Hatross’ album in June. At 1:14, does this count this as a ‘Thrash ’88’ cover? Sure. Coming out of nowhere after the listed songs end, it’s neither an album track nor a B-side; it’s an enigma… just like Voivod. A month later, Slayer placed their take on Judas Priest’s ‘Dissident Aggressor’ on their ‘South of Heaven’ album. Vocal concessions are made, but otherwise Slayer play it straight, and illustrate just how far ahead of it’s time this song was. It’s a rare example of a ‘Thrash ’88’ cover that actually works exceedingly well as an album track; fitting into the context of the album around it perfectly and complimenting the album as a whole. Bravo!
Metallica gave us two more killer covers in August: ‘Breadfan’, their second Budgie cover, and their third Diamond Head cover, ‘The Prince’. I myself was not a fan of Metallica’s ‘…And Justice for All’ album, but I loved these two recordings; basically anytime Budgie gets props, I’m thrilled, and also there’s a couple of bass guitar breaks in ‘The Prince’, and you can actually hear the bass! Truth be told, I’ve actually enjoyed Metallica’s covers more than their originals since the ‘$5.98 E.P.’, what can I tell ya.
In September, Anthrax released three covers, and one of them became arguably their biggest song. ‘Antisocial’, originally by the French band Trust, was recorded as an album track on fourth album ‘Sate of Euphoria’, and became that record’s second single. Arguably, ‘Antisocial’ was the song that broke Anthrax through to the Metal mainstream, but the lion’s share of the credit goes to Trust, as the song is simple, melodic, and catchy, with a chant-worthy chorus. During the later third of ’88, the video for the song (highlighting Anthrax’s …questionable wardrobe choices during that era) was all over MTv’s Headbanger’s Ball show, and the single even crept onto the UK singles charts, peaking at #44.
The two B-sides to the ‘Antisocial’ single were a cover of the Kiss klassic ‘Parasite’, and yet another Trust song, ‘Le Sects’. The Kiss cover is fun, but where ‘Antisocial’ translated exceptionally well into the Anthrax attack, ‘Le Sects’, not so much. The dark, angry lyrics about Jim Jones and mass suicide clashed with Joey Belladonna’s vocal approach; try as he might, Joey just cannot sound convincingly angry and mean. Best that this one was relegated to a B-side.
October brought us Sacred Reich’s sophomore (!) release, the ‘Surf Nicaragua’ E.P., and a cover of Black Sabbath’s epic ‘War Pigs’. Thankfully, it’s a sturdy take on a absolute classic, and the drums in particular are nuts, but I was glad this showed up on an E.P., rather than taking up over six minutes on an album proper. The E.P.’s title track contains brief snippets of ‘Wipe Out’ and the ‘Hawaii Five-O’ theme, but we’re not gonna include that song on this list, as we have to have some standards in place, don’t we?

 

Original Bay Area Thrashers Exodus were a little late to the party, but just made this list with a pair of covers recorded for their ‘Fabulous Disaster’ album, released on January 30th of 1989. Their version of War’s ‘Low Rider’ made the album (it shouldn’t have), while their take on AC/DC’s ‘Overdose’ was used as a bonus track later on. ‘Overdose’ works well, as Zetro’s voice exhibits a strange similarity to Bon Scott’s, and the band lay back in the ‘DC groove and really crunch it up. If a cover needed to appear on ‘Fabulous Disaster’, it should have been this one, with the cheesy ‘Low Rider’ relegated to ‘bonus track’ status.
Now then! Let’s do the math: SIXTEEN covers in just over a year! In the relatively small stable of bands inhabiting the Thrash genre, this is a ridiculously large number, and certainly qualifies as a phenomenon. Again, covers have always featured in Rock and Metal music, but this was something more: clearly, in Thrashworld, recording covers were not merely an option, it was a requirement. Simply put, Metallica were blazing a trail to major mainstream success, and their peers were following the path very closely.
I’m thinking this list would make a pretty cool mixtape/CD comp/playlist; this pile of tunes is a very mixed bag, a bit uneven in consistency and quality, but gathering them together provides a snapshot of a brief but curiously interesting period in Thrash Metal’s evolution. Oh! And if you want to add a few bonus tracks for that imaginary CD comp, we need only look to the burgeoning German Thrash movement, and include Kreator’s slamming interpretation of Raven’s ‘Lambs to the Slaughter’ from their ‘Out of the Dark…’ E.P., and Sodom’s ‘Mortal Way of Live’ album for their live cover of Motorhead’s ‘Iron Fist’… which would then bring our total to EIGHTEEN covers by Thrash bands of note between January 1988 and January ’89. Wow.
Interesting side notes: Iron Maiden actually covered themselves in 1988; re-recordings of both ‘Prowler’ and ‘Charlotte the Harlot’ appeared on the B-side of their ‘The Evil That Men Do’ single. As Maiden were not a Thrash band, we won’t include them in our overall tally here, although Maiden themselves certainly racked up a slew of covers over the years. If you include those two self-covers, plus versions of ZZ Top’s ‘Tush’ and Thin Lizzy’s ‘Angel of Death’ that were recorded for B-sides during the ‘A Matter of Life and Death’ cycle, but never used, Maiden’s cover count totals a whopping 23. Metallica still has them beat, with a running total of 32 covers. But the undisputed kings of the cover are Anthrax, who have cranked out a grand total of 42 (forty-two!) covers.

 

So far.

And the Grammy Goes to… HELL!!

Tired of being pissed off at the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame every year? Need somewhere else to direct your hatred toward what’s left of the music industry? Well then, why not try hatin’ on the Grammys this year?

“The GRAMMYs are the only peer-presented award to honor artistic achievement, technical proficiency and overall excellence in the recording industry, without regard to album sales or chart position.”

So says NARAS, or the National Association of Recording Arts and Sciences. A noble sentiment. It all made sense until 1989. This is the year that NARAS added the Best Hard Rock/Metal Performance Vocal or Instrumental category for the 31st Annual Grammy Awards.

The Grammys’ entire Heavy Metal history is cringe-worthy. When NARAS finally decided to stop ignoring an entire genre of music (one that had moved hundreds of millions of records throughout it’s history) and recognize the existence of Hard Rock and Heavy Metal, Metal Nation was initially pleased. But when faced with the daunting task of actually listening to Heavy Metal, the Academy gave the first award to the only nominated record they could actually get through: Jethro Tull’s ‘Crest Of A Knave’. After this debacle, which was viewed by the rest of the music world as a major embarrassment, the Academy should have just called it quits and left HR & HM alone. But NARAS needed to correct its mistake, and awarded 1990’s Metal Grammy to Metallica for their cover of Queen’s ‘Stone Cold Crazy’. Metallica would have won no matter what they released that year. And thus began Grammy’s 25-year love affair with Metallica, who won the third year as well. It’s a great strategy: Stick with the band that has the word ‘Metal’ in it’s name. It’s like awarding the Grammy for Best Blues Performance to Blue Oyster Cult every other year.

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NARAS couldn’t even get the category right. After the ’89 debacle, the Grammy committee split the category in two, creating a separate category for Hard Rock Performance in 1990. There! All Fixed! Then, in 2012, the category was re-combined again into a single category, Best Hard Rock/Metal Performance. Okay then. And, just in case you needed more evidence of the Academy’s total and utter ineptitude when it comes to these genres, the category was split again in 2014. Ya know what? We’re good. Just leave us alone.

A cursory glance at the list of nominees and winners in this category is a depressing slog through the last 25 years of mainstream metal. Godsmack, Korn, Mudvayne, White Zombie, Cradle of Filth… Nine Inch Nails? I grant that it’s a lot harder to recognize “artistic achievement, technical proficiency and overall excellence” in these genres today than it was twenty five years ago. There have been occasions where the Academy has gotten it right; nods for Motorhead’s ‘1916’ and Faith No More’s ‘Angel Dust’ album spring to mind. Machine Head’s ‘The Aesthetics of Hate’, nominated in 2008, was certainly the best metal song I heard that year. Of course, none of these songs actually won, and these nominations are still the exceptions that prove the rule: 99.999% of the time, the Academy gets it wrong.

And how does NARAS address the 30 year period in the genre’s history that came before these categories were created? With their unfortunately-named ‘Hall of Fame’ award. This award is intended to honor recordings that are at least twenty-five years old and that have “qualitative or historical significance“. Led Zeppelin’s debut has been awarded a HoF Grammy, as has ‘IV’; the individual songs ‘Stairway to Heaven’ and ‘Whole Lotta Love’ have also received HoF Grammys. Queen’s Bohemian Rhapsody and ‘We Will Rock You/We are the Champions’ singles have also been recognized. But that’s it. A nice gesture, but it it’s too little, too late, as it doesn’t exactly address the previous 30 years of Metal in any substantive way. Seriously, how can any Hard Rock band be awarded a Grammy when Rush didn’t win one for ‘Moving Pictures’? None of Black Sabbath’s supremely important first six albums won them a Grammy, but the ‘God is Dead?’, the single pulled from the tired rehash of the ’13’ album, did. Deep Purple (‘Machine Head’! ‘Made in Japan’! ‘Perfect Strangers’!) doesn’t have any Grammys, yet Slipknot has one…

To further illustrate how useless this award is, I’d like to point out that several live songs and cover versions have been nominated over the years. ‘Live’? Really? Don’t we all know by now that anything that claims to have been ‘recorded live’ is probably as bogus as Milli Vanilli (Grammy Winners, 1990!)? C’mon… Furthermore, does anyone truly believe that a ‘live’ version of Ozzy’s “I Don’t Want to Change the World” was the best Metal Performance of 1994? Out of every single performance recorded during that year? Mr. O. has such an extensive history of – ahem – “assistance” in the vocal department, both live and in the studio, that awarding a Grammy to this clown for a vocal performance is like awarding an Olympic medal for Freestyle Steroid Use. His Ozz-ness won again for his um, absolutely spectacular vocal performance of ‘Iron Man’ from Black Sabbath’s live ‘Reunion’ album in 2000. They should have given him 3 gramophone statues for that performance, because if you listen closely, you’ll hear 3 Ozzys singing on that track.

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If a band is nominated (or win) for a cover version, what does that say about how NARAS regards their original music? Anthrax (once called ‘the highest-paid cover band in history’ by Kerrang! magazine) was nominated 2 years in a row for cover versions, and their ‘Attack of the Killer B’s’ album, filled with covers, joke tunes, live songs, and other worthless junk, was nominated in1992. Motorhead have been nominated twice for covers of Metallica songs (!!!), one of which actually won in ’05. I’m gratified that Motorhead can call themselves ‘Grammy Winners’, but isn’t this just another way the Academy gets to kiss Metallica’s ass? Nominate Motorhead’s ‘Inferno’ album from the same year of GTFO. And If Megadeth’s throwaway cover of Sabbath’s ‘Paranoid’, tossed off on a soundtrack album, was the HM genre’s ‘artistic achievement’ of the year in 1996, then I’ll eat my studded writst bands.

(Fun Grammy Fact: Metallica and Megadeth, 2 bands forever linked by a dysfunctional family history, are both Grammy record-holders: While Metallica holds the record for most Metal Grammys won (6, including an award for the awful ‘St. Anger’ album), Megadeth holds the distinction of garnering the most Metal Grammy nominations (9) without ever winning one. I’m betting that fact doesn’t bother Dave Mustaine ONE. SINGLE. BIT.)

The travesty continues into 2015, with two Ronnie Dio-related covers nominated for this year’s Grammys: Anthrax’s cover of Black Sabbath’s ‘Neon Knights’ and unfunny joke Tenacious D’s cover of Dio’s ‘The Last in Line’; I can just imagine RJD spinning in his grave (33 1/3 revolutions per minute, no doubt) as I write. That a by-the-numbers cover of this classic song is nominated for a Grammy Award, while the original version remains unrecognized for its “qualitative or historical significance” is an excellent illustration of the ludicrous nature of this entire enterprise. And if comedy rock duo Tenacious D wins the Grammy for Best Hard Rock/Metal Performance for covering a song by the legendary Ronnie James Dio, after a decades of goofing on Ronnie and metal in general, I swear to God I seal up my ear holes with Gorilla Glue and never listen to music again.

STOP THE MADNESS. NARAS shouldn’t be giving awards to genres and styles of music it clearly does not understand. They’ve demonstrated time and again that they do not ‘get’ Heavy Metal. I’d love to see Scott Ian or Lemmy get up there this year and outright refuse it, and publicly denounce the entire farce. Grammys? We don’t need no stinkin’ Grammys! But then again, we wouldn’t actually get to see that, as the awards for HM/HR are awarded off-camera every year. So much for ‘legitimacy’. And remember when the Academy failed to include Slayer’s Jeff Hanneman in their ‘In Memoriam’ segment in 2014? That’s two-time Grammy winner Jeff Hanneman?? I got your ‘legitimacy’, right here.

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Still the red-headed step-child. And that’s okay. Hard Rock and Heavy Metal have always existed –nay, thrived– outside the boundaries of legitimacy, propriety, critical validation and mainstream acceptance. Let’s keep it that way. Besides, raising the likes of Rob Zombie and Marylin Manson into the esteemed company of Miles Davis, Ennio Morricone, Ray Charles, Johnny Cash, Stevie Wonder, etc. is absolutely ludicrous. There are a handful of Hard Rock/Metal records since 1990 that would sit well in that kind of company*; but Jack Black parodying one of the all time greats sure ain’t one.

*Slayer – ‘Reign In Blood’

Raging Slab – ‘Dynamite Monster Boogie Concert’,

Opeth – ‘Watershed’, ‘Blackwater Park’, ‘Ghost Reveries’

Enslaved – ‘Below the Lights’ and ‘Monumension’

Deep Purple – ‘Now What?!’

High On Fire – ‘Blessed Black Wings’

Mastodon – ‘Leviathan’

Corrosion of Conformity – ‘In the Arms of God’

Megadeth – ‘Rust in Peace’

Pantera – ‘Vulgar Display of Power’

The Big Four vs The Big Hair

Of all the unfortunate musical developments of the 1980’s, MTv had to be rock bottom. One of the worst things to even happen to Heavy Metal, MTv split the genre down the middle, and forced our heroes to take sides: Go glam or go underground. Some of the greatest hard rock and metal bands of the late 70’s/early 80’s succumbed to the allure of big hair and big bucks… Def Leppard, Krokus, Scorpions, Saxon, Whitesnake, Y&T, even Judas Priest all upped their image ante while sugar-coating their music for a new generation of fans who learned about metal on the visual medium of TV, rather than from their older brother’s record collection.

While the old guard of mostly British and European metal bands abandoned their artistic integrity for a chance to crack the lucrative American market, a new breed of metal band began to develop in America. These bands picked up where the early years of the NWOBHM had left off, injecting a dose of hardcore into an already punk-informed movement. This new sound and style was also a response to the MTv-driven rise of glam; metal fans who weren’t into the whole pretty-boy thing had nowhere to go but down, meaning underground. Gentlemen, this is Thrash.

The gulf between these two styles was enormous. Thrash was about precision, speed, and aggression, where Glam was about surface flash, image, and style over substance. Thrash lyrics dealt with fighting the corrupt system and dystopian futures; glam lyrics concerned themselves with sex, love, partying, and …sex. To be fair, the thrashers were image conscious, too; their tough-guy uniform consisted of long hair, torn jeans, leather jackets, and denim vests. The glam contingent favored gender-bending make-up, big hair, and flashy clothing. There was virtually zero common ground between these two musical movements. Which side were you on?

Although not accessible enough be played on commercial radio or MTv, thrash nonetheless found its own way to success. When Metallica achieved Gold status for their 2nd LP ‘Ride the Lightning’ in 1984, the genre began to be recognized as valid not only by the metal mainstream, but also by the major record companies. The labels felt that a band that could sell 500,000 copies of a record without commercial radio support was a band worth looking at. Metallica was picked up by Elektra; Megadeth by Capitol, Anthrax by Island, and Slayer by Sony offshoot Def Jam. These four bands were about to graduate from the underground to the big leagues, where they would seriously threaten faltering stalwarts like Priest and Maiden; their impact and success would lead to these pioneering bands being dubbed ‘The Big Four’.

Meanwhile, back in Hair Metal Hell, a different formula for success had established itself. Bands with zero talent were selling millions of records based on their looks alone, while their wildly expensive and artistically vacant music videos bombarded the masses in heavy rotation on MTv. By the mid-’80’s, this ‘pop’ metal ruled the airwaves, both on TV and on the radio. By 1986, Pop/Glam/Hair metal was the most popular form of rock music in the world. The stage was set for a battle of epic proportions.

In the 13 months between February 1986 and March of ’87, the so-called ‘Big Four’ would make their grand statements, releasing four genre-defining albums that would establish thrash metal as a valid sub-genre of heavy metal forever. That very same year, in a parallel universe, Hair Metal’s elite forces would detonate 4 highly successful glamma bombs of their own. Heavy Metal had torn itself in two. Peaceful coexistence was out of the question. It was the girlz against the boys in the battle for the soul of Heavy Metal.

February 1986: A Declaration of War

Metallica’s ‘Master of Puppets’

By 1986, Metallica were already recognized as the leader of underground metal. With the colossal ‘Master of Puppets’, they led that niche genre out of the underground, into the mainstream, and forward into battle. This band had come a long way as writers in just a few records, and MOP showcases the full extent of their full reach and scope. Everything about this album screams ‘Epic’; the riffs, the arrangements, the sounds, the song lengths. While ‘Tallica still steadfastly refusing to release a single or video to promote their work, ‘Puppets’ nonetheless reached #29 in the US. Thrash Metal was moshing up the American Top 40… The young upstarts had become the conquering heroes. Metallica seemed unstoppable. Just seven months later, they would face their greatest challenge.

May 1986: Counter Strike

Europe’s ‘The Final Countdown’

How many countdowns are there, anyway? And if this one was final, how come I keep hearing this song, 28 years later? This impossibly cute Swedish band somehow found the formula for the perfect earworm in the album’s title track, a song that has gone on to become the ultimate anthem. Second single Carrie (following the standard hair metal formula of 1st single: anthem, 2nd single: power-ballad) was a bigger hit, but ‘TFC’ has firmly established itself as an inescapable piece of modern pop culture. That, my friends is the definition of evil.

August 1986: Trilateral Offensive (and I do mean offensive)

Cinderella’s ‘Night Songs’

Hidden under all of that hair, Cinderella was probably a halfway decent bar band before MTv changed the game. While the front cover pic instantly takes this album out of the running for any serious consideration, the tunes and the playing inside are fairly solid. Having friends in high places certainly helped Cinderella; Jon Bon Jovi got the band signed to Polygram, sang backups on ‘Night Songs’, and arranged to have them appear as the opening act on the entire 7-month ‘Slippery When Wet’ tour. Second single ‘Nobody’s Fool’, a virtual rewrite of Def Leppard’s ‘Bringin’ on the Heartbreak’, hit the Top Twenty. Thanks, JBJ.

Bon Jovi’s ‘Slippery When Wet’

Hair Metal’s biggest album. It’s interesting to speculate about where JBJ’s career would have gone had he not enlisted the songwriting assistance of veteran hit maker Desmond Child to write for ‘SWW’… Child, the infamous ‘song doctor’ who later co-wrote several key songs for post-make-up KISS and post-drugs Aerosmith, among many others, co-wrote ‘You Give Love a Bad Name’ and ‘Livin’ on a Prayer’. Both songs were worldwide smashes, and the primary factor in the record’s mega-success. Ya, these guys could play, but more importantly, the time was right for a gang of pretty boys (and Tico Torres) with catchy tunes, cowboy boots and fringe leather jackets.

Poison’s ‘Look What the Cat Dragged In’

Poison, on the other hand, had zero musical ability, zero songwriting skills, and zero shame. ‘LWtCDI’ was similar to Motley Crue’s debut from just a few years before, in that it was a crappy album, released by an independent label, recorded on a shoestring budget by a bunch of talentless hacks, but still made a pretty big splash because of the band’s ‘look’. This time around, however, the timing was perfect and the market primed and ready to eat this crap up, to the tune of a Billboard #3 slot and 3 million copies sold. The cover is notorious for confusing and embarrassing thousands of hetero guys (‘Check out the hot chicks!’) and the music within is 100% garbage (more on garbage later in this post). Perhaps a better title would have been ‘Look What the Cat Coughed Up’.

October 1986: Shock and Awe

Megadeth’s ‘Peace Sells (But Who’s Buying?)’

When Dave Mustaine recruited players for his post-Metallica band, he purposely chose musicians with a jazz/fusion background. The result: Megadeth reached new levels of technicality and precision, raising the bar for musicianship in metal in the process. ‘Deth’s second album, ‘Peace Sells…’ features a plethora of meticulously arranged, impeccably played songs that featured a boatload of classic Mustaine riffs that Metallica would soon sorely miss. This mixture of dynamic ensemble playing and muscular musical menace, along with a healthy dose of politically aware lyrics, further established thrash metal’s mainstream credibility.

Slayer’s ‘Reign In Blood’

The intensity level of Slayer’s music is truly frightening. That’s Slayer’s thing: scaring people. Slayer scared lots of people with their third album ‘Reign in Blood’, including the suits at Columbia Records, who, at the last minute, decided they didn’t want to distribute the album due to its artwork and lyrics; Geffen/WB stepped in and the rest is history. At a brief but harrowing 29 minutes, ‘RIB’ is never boring, not for one single second; each song a short blast of unprecedented intensity, disorienting solos, and panic attack vocals all delivered with crystal clear, in-your-face production. ‘Reign in Blood’ so successfully achieves everything it set out to accomplish that it is rightfully recognized as one of the greatest albums ever recorded, no matter the genre.

March 1987: Reinforcements from the Eastern Front

Anthrax’s ‘Among the Living’

Anthrax may have been late to the party with ‘Among’, but it’s no less important a record than the other Big Four entries. Anthrax was the only B4 band with a credible lead vocalist (at least in conventional rock music terms), and a viable single in ‘Indians’, which gave ‘Among’ had the best shot at radio play. Anthrax was also the only band of the Four with any discernible sense of humor, throwing in a few yucks while bringing the noise. The songwriting may get a little clunky here and there, but the chops on display are truly monstrous. The mix of melodic vocals and hardcore speed/thrash crunch on ‘Among’ would prove to be hugely influential. Arriving to bat clean-up, ‘Among the Living’ is another groundbreaking thrash album and a worthy bookend to the 13 month Great Thrash Offensive.

It’s widely acknowledged that 1991’s ‘Clash of the Titans’ tour, featuring Megadeth, Slayer, and Anthrax (Metallica was filling arenas on their own) was the height of trash metal’s popularity, but by 1992, both genres were in serious trouble. Metallica, who almost single-handedly led the thrash movement from its ‘Garage Days’ origins to mainstream acceptance and multi-platinum successes, abandoned thrash metal on their untitled 5th album, and as the public tired of a never-ending parade of ‘power ballads’, most of the major hair bands had either fizzled or self-destructed. Then along came Grunge. Game over, man.

So as the dry ice cleared, who could we declare the victor? The glammy stuff certainly sold more records than the scary stuff did by ’92. If sales are your only criteria, then the poodles won overall. If influence, longevity, and continued relevance count, then the story has a very different ending. Released at the height of hair metal’s popularity, BJ’s ‘Slippery’ went on to sell 12 million copies to ‘Master’s 2 million; but 25 years later, Metallica’s 2008 album ‘Death Magnetic’ has racked up over 2 million units sold; Bon Jovi’s latest, ‘What About Now’, has sold just over 1 million. While Jovi’s last few have hit #1, the remaining 3 Big Four bands have been consistently nipping at BJ’s heels, with each of their most current records climbing to at least #12 on the Billboard Top 200. And what of Cinderella, Poison, and Europe? Please.

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Perhaps the most interesting fact I discovered while researching this post was that the cover art used for Bon Jovi’s ‘Slippery When Wet’ was a photograph of a wet garbage bag with the title written in the water. That’s fitting; I mean, everyone knows what you find inside garbage bags, right?